Chapter 9

Mary stopped speaking, took a deep breath and stretched her back as she sat up more confidently on the mat. She noticed the posture of the old woman and wanting to give comfort, touched her wrinkled hand. “I can stop for a while, if you want to rest on the mat”, motioning to where she sat. “Let me sit in your chair and you sit here.” “Oh, no, dear, I’m quite comfortable here. In fact, this chair was made especially for my frame and infirmity. You continue on. I’m anxious to hear more.” Mary smiled and felt a trust for this woman, then continued on with her story.
“There were many nights that He slept little because of the people that would gather and want to hear Him speak or have Him touch them. And there were many times, that Jesus would come and sit with us women and we could see the weariness in His eyes and body. But He would still pour out more for us. To see His passion for people caused me to want to serve Him more. To follow Him anywhere.”
Mary paused, looked intently at the old woman as she began to bite on her thumb nail, not realizing how dirty it was, and dared to be brutaly honest. “Can I tell you something?” Mary said, with the shyness of a child. “Of course, dear, tell me anything. I will not judge you for your words, if that concerns you.”
“There were times that I thought I was in love with Jesus.” She paused, squinted her eyes, as if a shock of pain had run through her body, but then after the words were said, let out a deep breath as if a heavy load had been removed from her back.
“How could you not,” the old woman said in return. “I would imagine that there were many women who thought themselves in love with Jesus and possibly many who tried to act on that affection. Tell me”, the woman said, “have you reconcilled that emotion?”
“Yes, I believe I have. I don’t blame myself or any other woman for wanting to attach herself to Jesus, after all, He is the perfect man.” Mary said with slight humor. “And He did not dismiss a woman’s flirting. He was quick to remind us all of why He had come and what His purpose was. Some of the older women joked of His having ruined the image of a traditional husband with His compassion, His equality and the value He gave to women. And as time went on, and the men of the group began to emulate Jesus’ actions and sincere love for one another. The married women praised Jesus for the miracles that were happening “within” their men. We saw many people healed of diseses and afflictions, but to change a heart is a great miracle that we began to understand and to see men go from gruffness to gentleness was amazing to us women. Of course, Peter was always pointed out as being the exception, but even he had changed through the guidance and teaching of Jesus.”
“Thank you for letting me get that out in the open. I feel more confident in my genuine love for Jesus having talked that through”. Mary sighed, smiled and said. “Now, where was I? Oh, yes, along our travels, we would see Jesus feed thousands and thousands of people with just a few loaves of bread and a few fish. More people would want to join our company of believers (as we began to call ourselves). Some, to feed their hungry bellys and some, to fill their hungry lives. There were also those that wanted to be a part of something grand but when they didn’t get what they wanted out of it, they left. Those were sad moments. We would see Jesus weeping when one such person would come along with us and get tired of the way we lived in necessity or fail to get the fame they wanted, would leave. Women would do this too. They would hear about this Jesus who was becoming famous and they would follow trying to get close to Him. But Jesus would always say that He had come to do God’s will, not His own. (He seemed to have to repeat that one phrase often, when it came to the women) And God’s will was to bring the Kingdom of God to the people. I guess it is just humanity that leads us to want to be something greater than what we are. If only those who had left, had stayed long enough to understand that we were greater because of Jesus. I began to comprehend that these travels and this life meant something much more than the healing I had encountered. And every parable that Jesus taught, taught me something more about my growing relationship to God.”